Rat Pfink a Boo Boo

RatPfinkRay Dennis Steckler, USA, 1966, 72 min.

I feel the urge to write about this film for one reason and one reason only: it is the worst film I have ever seen.

Yes, the world is full of terrible films, and I am the first to admit that I have not seen many of them. But out of the thousands of movies I’ve seen, Rat Pfink a Boo Boo ranks below the worst of the worst. Transformers 2, Gigli, Troll 2, Battlefield Earth, The Hottie and the Nottie, Boardinghouse, Reefer Madness, Plan 9 From Outer Space, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, North, ShowgirlsThe Room. I would rather watch any of those than sit through Rat Pfink again.

A lot of bad films are fun to watch, which makes them inherently “good”. That sounds illogical, and is probably a topic for another essay. But for our purposes today, it is only important to know that Rat Pfink is not one of those films. At 72 minutes, it is padded and overlong and shows zero respect for the spirit of film-making.

The film opens with an unnamed women being stalked by a group of evil men. Eventually, they get her and make plans to taunt and stalk another girl chosen randomly out of the phonebook. Cee Bee Baeaumont,  played by director Ray Dennis Steckler’s then girlfriend, Carolyn Brandt.

Cee Bee is the girlfriend of a famous musician played by Ron Haydock. We are treated to a few of his musical numbers to pad out the film even more. The bad guys start by making some creepy phone calls to Cee Bee, and eventually kidnap her. At that point, the film veers off from its thriller aspirations and turns into a goofy comedy.

Her boyfriend and a the gardener (a previously minor character) transform into the crime-fighting duo of Rat Pfink and Boo Boo. A cut-rate Batman and Robin. What follows are endless chase scenes, a poorly choreographed fight, a gorilla and a parade.

It sounds like campy fun, right? Nope. The whole film is made without any respect for entertainment. It is as if Steckler wasn’t even trying to make a good film. Or at least an acceptable film. It feels like he just wanted to get 70 minutes of footage for as cheap as possible, and toss it into a theater to get some quick cash.

Legend has it that the film was supposed to be called Rat Pfink And Boo Boo, but that someone messed up the title card and it came out as Rat Rfink A Boo Boo. The fact that Ray Dennis Steckler didn’t care enough to have that fixed goes to show how much he cared about this film, and the audiences that had to sit through it.

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They Came Together

TheyCameTogetherDavid Wain, 2014, USA, 83 min.

I will always watch any film directed by David Wain. Him and his usual cohorts have a sense of humor unlike any other. They are on a different wavelength, and I just so happen to be in sync with that type of humor myself.

They Came Together is their latest film, a deconstructed romantic comedy parody. Paul Rudd is the friendly and funny male romantic lead with “vaguely Jewish non-threatening good looks.” Amy Poehler is the quirky and charming female romantic lead who is “clumsy and scattered but you just can’t help falling in love with her.”

Throughout the film they tell the story of how they met, fell in love, went through misunderstandings and ultimately rectified things in a cheesy climax. The concept of the film doesn’t leave too much room for really inspired comedy. A lot of the scenes and bits are confined by that structure, but everyone involved is talented enough that many of jokes are able to transcend the material.

The problem is that there are a lot of jokes that don’t break out. The structure of a romantic comedy is obvious, and the idea of playing within that structure is amusing, but doesn’t lend itself to much more.

So the film is spotty, but does contain high points that made me laugh out loud. Overall, this is not a classic like Wet Hot American Summer, but it is an amusing and entertaining film that scratches an itch for those that like this weird sense of humor.

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Godzilla

GodzillaGareth Edwards, USA, 2014, 123 min.

Godzilla is the latest entry in the storied series showcasing the giant reptilian monster. Made in the USA 60 years after the Japanese original, this one is being positioned as a reboot of sorts. It’s starting from scratch, and lays the groundwork for more big budget films of the same ilk.

If I watched this film as a fan of Godzilla, or just a fan of films in general, the verdict would be the same. It’s not a good film either way. There are too many missteps. And big ones.

The decision to concentrate on the humans would have been a good one if the humans in this film weren’t so underwritten. Too much time is spent on them and they are all almost inconsequential to the outcome of the story. Especially Elizabeth Olsen’s character (pictured above), who just seems to be in the film to… well, I don’t know why her character is in the film.

And that statement could be said about almost all of the characters. Juliette Binoche’s character was wasted on her immense talents. Bryan Cranston provides setup and exposition, but taking out his whole segment wouldn’t change the film one bit. And the “main” character, the young military man played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson, is only around to just happen to be in the right place at the right time to get up close views of the monsters, without actually accomplishing anything.

This is a film about Godzilla, but far too much time is spent on everything else. And everything else isn’t interesting at all, and as preposterous as you would expect. When Godzilla does do his thing, it’s fine, but that is really only visible in the climax of the film. And honestly, giant CGI monsters fighting isn’t that interesting when the film doesn’t set up any stakes that you care about.

I wanted to geek out about Godzilla. I really did. I love the charm of the character and the older films, but that just doesn’t translate well when you change the tone. The whole thing was taken way too seriously. I’m sorry, but when I see a determined Hollywood military man say, with complete seriousness, “Godzilla is heading straight for the city!” It just doesn’t work.

Pacific Rim knew how to get the tone right. Giant monster films need to be infused with humor and fantasy. Godzilla lacks any of that.

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In Your Eyes

InYourEyesBrin Hill, USA, 2014, 105 min.

Joss Whedon wrote and produced this film, which has a cute and interesting premise: two people who have never met are able to see through each other’s eyes and feel what the other person feels. They have been able to do this for most of their lives, but are only recently aware of it.

We see them as they start to communicate, learn about each other, and grow their strange relationship. He (Michael Stahl-David) is an ex-con who is struggling to get his life back on track. He lives in the desert of New Mexico, in a life almost exactly opposite that of his female counterpart.

She (Zoe Kazan) is married to a rich doctor and lives in luxury in snowy New Hampshire, but is struggling with this life that she doesn’t really want.

The acting and direction are solid, and the film is engaging when it shows how they deal and cope with the phenomena that is happening to them. But when the script veers off into topics that only involves the individuals, it is far less interesting.

But that’s not a big criticism. My only major problem was that the climax has a change in pacing and tone that was not earned. It’s a set-piece (well, two really), that feels out of place.

But even with that issue, the film was pleasant and engaging. And when it was over, the story ended up in a satisfying place.

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Hanna

HannaJoe Wright, USA, 2011, 111 min.

Hanna is a film that is good for very specific reasons: the craftsmanship, the execution, and the music. What keeps it from being a great film is the script, which inexplicably was listed on 2009’s Black List (the list of the best un-produced screenplays.)

The story is simplistic. A young girl (Saoirse Ronan in a solid performance), raised off the grid by her father, is trained to be the perfect killer. When she is old enough, she is set loose to get revenge on the organization, and specifically the agent (Cate Blanchett), who did her and her father harm many years ago.

It’s unsurprising, and the plot moves from A to B to C in a very straightforward manner. There aren’t any turns or questions and not much can be said about the story when all is said and done. But as I wrote in the opening to this review, the story is not the draw of the film. Joe Wright is a wonderful director. A real craftsman. And when he gets a hold of scene it’s wonderful to watch.

There a few in this film. Set-pieces that, when combined with the Chemical Brothers’ cool and unique soundtrack, elevate the film to something more than the sum of its parts. The scene in the underground bunker. The chase in the shipping yard. Eric Bana’s one-take fight scene. Watching the way Joe Wright constructs those scenes is a joy.

And that’s what makes this film unique. It’s almost like I can ignore what is going on in the film and just watch a master technician pull off his craft. It’s great to see. But the story and the characters failed to engage me in any other way.

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