There are 300 reasons not to see this movie

My goal of writing once a week on Reelfriction is not really working, but the good news is that I have been writing like crazy in other areas of my life. So, my writing muscles are not yet going to atrophy! But just in case anyone is looking forward to a new review, I want to deliver.

There was a movie trailer last summer that blew me away. 300 looked like it would be one of the greatest films I saw this year. I was dissappointed. Now, in honor of the DVD coming out next week, I have written a review of the film. Hopefully, this will steer away any potential viewers. Bottom line: Just watch the trailer.

The trailer for 300 evoked strong feelings in me. It was going to be a movie filled with passion. Men fighting with everything they had to protect their home from certain destruction. All told with style. Not comic book style… but a perverse artistic style. The superhuman Spartans, fetishistic in their muscularity. The mutant army. The jewel-encrusted king. The masked warriors. The giant tree filled with corpses. The modern pounding music and dialog that is roared instead of spoken. All this was edited together tightly and efficiently. The film was going to be overflowing with incredible images, and yes, I’ll say it again: Passion.

I was familiar with the story enough to know that there was ample source material for a script that would make me feel for the characters and their struggle. Given the footage I saw, I wasn’t expecting great dialog and an intricate plot, but I was still expecting a remarkable film. One that stood above predecessors like Braveheart and Gladiator due to its artistic style, passionate story, and unique imagery that would fit the mythology of the story very well.From the start of the film, it falls apart. What could have been an opportunity to flesh out the Spartan people in a really cool training montage was marred by stupid narration and poor editing choices. It felt very disjointed, and the imagery was just not enough to keep me engaged in the story.

When the king grows up, the story jumps right into the setup for the battle. This is good and bad. The bad part is that there wasn’t enough for me to be invested in what was going on. I didn’t know who the Persians were. I didn’t even really know who the Spartans were. They were just portrayed as a civilization built to fight, with no real intent or purpose behind it. The characters weren’t particularly intriguing or like-able, and their actions were one-dimensional. There were some allusions to previous battles and/or decisions the king made, but nothing was ever addressed and the much-needed development was not there at all.

The good part of this was that I didn’t have to listen to that dialog anymore. Now, again, I wasn’t expecting Shakespeare, but I was expecting better than what I got. I thought the screaming would be reserved for the battle sequences, but almost every line was barked out whether necessary or not. Those that weren’t were part of cliché set pieces that were inartfully copied from previous films.

The senate doesn’t want to fight! There is a traitor in their midst! The captain has a son going into battle with him and then the son dies! The army is betrayed by some guy who leads the enemy through a secret path behind them! There is an Oracle who tells the king he will be betrayed! (the oracle is a naked drunk girl, though, that was new). Umm… I thought there were more but that pretty much covers the whole plot.

The fighting was nothing special. Gory and violent, which entertained me slightly on a base level, but with nothing backing it up and no real humanity in the film to make it worthwhile, I just didn’t feel it. The waves of attackers became tiring after awhile. The cool imagery that was in the trailer was fleeting. In fact, the whole film felt like it was filmed indoors. Even the battle scenes. The effects didn’t add much at all, and without those the film has to rely on its script, direction and performances. Which I already told you how much I liked. Also, the narration persisted throughout the film and really annoyed me. It was not needed. If the information in the narration was incorporated into the dialog and character development, the whole thing would have been much more interesting.

The music didn’t help. The cool song from the trailer was replaced by this chanting stuff that really didn’t fit the visual style of the film. Anyway, that’s another minor quibble, but as they say, Its the little things that kill you.

Eventually, the senate thing wraps up and the Spartans are betrayed by a deformed person who they wouldn’t let fight with them. They all die in battle in a spectacularly unspectacular way. I felt nothing for the men, or for the society(?) they were trying to protect. There was no meat to it at all.

I know what some people are going to say! What did you expect? Well, frankly, I expected better. Is that wrong of me? Is it too much to ask to get a cool movie about Spartans defending their homeland against impossible odds with cool dialog and a good script? I don’t want just a stupid screaming fighting film. Who wants to settle for that? Sure, it was mildly entertaining, and if it wasn’t so absurd how stupid some of it was, it would also be almost completely forgettable. (except for that awesome trailer…. I can’t forget that.)

A word to fans of this film: 300 is not a good film. Gore, action and CGI don’t make a film by themselves. Try something new. Experiment! The world of art is a big wide beautiful place. Open your mind and enjoy it!