Archive for the ‘Head2Heads’ Category

Who Knew Two Hours in a Cave Would Be So Good?

Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
Clash of the Titans!

Do I not bleed?The Descent is one of those rare films that fits snugly into a standard genre but somehow manages to transcend it as well. A brief description of the film would send most people running. “A group of girls are attacked by cannibals inside a cave.” This doesn’t really make most film fans mouths water. However, when it is written and directed by the very talented Neil Marshall, has great performances, a sharp screenplay full of interesting characters and situations, a solid visual style that doesn’t draw attention to itself, and enough gore to keep the teenage boy in me happy, then you have the makings of a great film.Marshall has a sense of mood and motion that permeates the film from the opening shot on. Tension slowly builds as the story unfolds. There was no sense of “God… I can’t wait for the cannibals to come so the action can start.” The characters are developed quickly and the back-story is laid out without any fuss. Plot points are revealed slowly, only adding to the tension.

A lot of what happens is cliche. Standard horror movie fare. But this film brings much more to the table then what it lets on. I can see why they chose to release this film in America. It did very well in its British theatrical run, and that also goes to show that it transcends its fright flick roots.

It opens during a rafting trip. Our three main characters, all female, are finishing up one of their little outdoor adventures. That sets the pacing to a slow burn. (Are they screaming in fear or laughing?). Again, not much to talk about but when you see it, you will understand. Soon after, an accident destroys the life of one of the girls, and a year later, after the dust has settled (has it really?), the girls get back together to do some caving. This time, there are a few more, and after some wonderfully terse character development, they make it down into the cave.

The pacing, story, and aesthetic of this film is so wonderful at times that I almost forgot there were supposed to be creatures in the cave. Usually in a film like this the audience is waiting waiting waiting for the violence or gore to start. This time however, everything before hand was just so good that it didn’t matter. However, when the creatures do come, the action and twists keep coming and surprisingly, the film stays solid.

What follows is some (might I say validated?) violence and gore. There was a good amount and it was full of inventiveness. Definately, a strong payoff for the horror movie fan. It fits seamlessly into the story and is not just there for its own sake. Also at this point is a great little plot twist that ties all the previous back story together and leads to a surprising and satisfying ending…. at least in British theatres.

Why oh why do we do thinks like this? In the American release, the last minute of the ending was cut off in order to make it… um… shorter? happier? more confusing? ready for a sequel? Who knows. Do yourself a favor and watch the original ending. It will make much more sense and bring the film to a more satisfying close.

If you have a cool DVD player, you can buy the Region 2 British DVD. While you are waiting for it to arrive, do yourself a favor and catch it in a darkened theatre. The Descent is a must for horror-movie fans. It has already started to gather a justly deserved cult following amongst them. But what’s even better is that it is more than just a cool horror film. It is a well-made film that any cinephile in general can appreciate. Neil Marshall hasn’t made a film since Dog Solders in 2002. After that garnered much acclaim (rightly so), he didn’t churn out a quick film like some people would have done. He spent 3 years working on his next project, and it really shows. The Descent is a wonderful entry into the film world, and it really sheds some light on the talent of Neil Marshal. He is going to be a director that we all should keep our eyes on.

LCD’s Response -

Are you quite finished going down on Neil Marshall yet? Thank you, you might want to take a second to wipe your face off though. Actually, It’s funny how little in your review I really disagree with. Well, except all the parts where you say things are “wonderful” or “inventive” or “satisfying”. In particular, I agree with you when you say that everything before the creatures showing up is so good you’re not just waiting for the gore to start. Again, except for the “good” part.

And that’s the whole problem with this movie. Before the creatures show up there’s some real stuff going on. Lots of tension, lots of cool character development, just lots of coolness. Then the creatures show up and instead of taking everything up a notch, everything deflates. Any coolness that was created is shattered by the introduction of these horribly unspectacular (not to mention completely unbelievable, as I’ve pointed out in my review) creatures. It turns into a very average, very mundane run-of-the-mill horror movie. It turns into stupid chicks doing stupid things while being chased and eaten by baddies. It’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre in a cave. It’s The Blair Witch Project in a cave. It’s Scream in a cave. It’s Friday the 13th in a cave. If this movie didn’t take place inside a cave, there wouldn’t be a single original thing about it. Go ahead. Name something original outside of that. I’ll be the guy on the other side of the page waiting to say I told you so.

It Should Be Called Averageman

Saturday, July 1st, 2006
Clash of the Titans!

Will Ferrell at it again.What is it about Will Ferrell that makes us laugh? The Cinesthete can not answer this question. I never really found Mr. Ferrell that amusing. His never-ending ranting is punctuated by maybe three or four quips that make me smile. Otherwise, I’m mostly cringing. Anchorman is a great example of this. Its also a good movie to talk about because it is the one that everyone loves. Look at LCD!

The screening at the Casa De Nilsen Theatre was prefaced by loud exclamations of “This movie is awesome!” or “This movie is genius!” or “This movie is awesome!” Well, I had seen it once before (in the theatre for some reason!) and this was basically a catch-up viewing so we could write our reviews. After LCD removed his porn from the DVD-player, we set down to watch.

When I first saw the movie I was mildly amused, but the next day I could only remember one or two parts that I liked, and one or two parts I hated. The second viewing I had with LCD yielded the same results, although not quite to the extremes of my earlier feelings. The one or two good parts were okay, and the one or two bad parts were just… bad.

There is no reason for me to recount the plot of Anchorman. Everyone has heard it quoted verbatim by their friends at parties or read it on those same friend’s IM away messages. This is pretty much the same as watching it. There is not much else you are going to get from it. The characters are one-dimensional and the whole script is held together by some loose internal logic. This is just a way to let the film-makers have freedom to do whatever they want that comes into their heads. This could work for a group of folks a little funnier, but in the hands of Adam McKay and Will Ferrell, it all becomes a little too big and awkward to be entertaining for more than 30 seconds at a time.

Will Ferrell is, sadly, a standard funny man. He has his moments, but most of the time he’s just repeating himself. The bottom line is that he’s harmless, but don’t waste your time. You can do much better. Wait! I can repeat myself and sum up Anchorman by using the same sentences! Watch this: Anchorman is, sadly, a standard funny movie. It has its moments, but most of the time it’s just repeating itself. The bottom line is that it’s harmless, but don’t waste your time. You can do much better.

LCD’s Response:

You know tc, i’ve known you for many years but throughout that whole time I have only been able to take wild guesses as to the depths of your idiocy. Your review, however, has finally allowed me to plumb the depths of it….and find its magnitude to be immeasurable. That picture isn’t even from anchorman, retard. It’s from yet another incredible cinematic masterpiece from will ferrell titled Kicking and Screaming. First of all, you talk about your feelings an awful lot. What are you, some kind of crybaby momma’s boy? Who talks about their feelings on the internet in an honest, truthful and candid manner? Sexual predators, that’s who. Come on TC, I’m not 9 years old and I don’t want any puppies or candy out of the back of your beat up Volkswagon van so quit it.

And just how would you know what happens at parties anyway? You always come late and leave early.

Also, to say that the monty python group is any more hilarious than this cast is insanely retarded. Look, I like most of the Monty Python movies, but is anyone more hit or miss than them? Hmmm, let’s see. Songs about lumberjacks. Songs about sperm. About a million juvenile jokes involving newts or swallows or other such random forms of wildlife. Yes! That is so genius compared to the adlib genius of Anchorman! Man! If only Eric Idle could have written a song about a wildebeast or some other such obscure mammal for inclusion into this movie, it would have been great! Sadly, the only reference to any form of animalia was about bears and their olfactory attraction to the homosapian menstrual cycle.

Lastly, Will Ferrell?? A standard funny man? I recently conducted a poll at our local shopping complex (see also: mall) and 3 out of the 4 people I asked (one of them being myself) stated that will ferrell is fucking awesome. It’s not everyone else’s fault that you are an incredible tool. And i mean that in the meanest way possible, since there are some awesomely incredible tools (like pickaxes or killdozers or things of that nuature).

In conclusion, I am going to punch you in the uterus next time I see you…and I can only hope that you are pregnant.