It’s been a while since we actually played this session. The campaign is building up to its conclusion. After liberating a city, we made a shady deal with some blue dragons to destroy one of our enemies. Hopefully that will work out and we will come out of this campaign heroes instead of “those guys that resurrected that ancient evil and doomed the world.”

Enjoy the quotes!

5) “I wish I lived in that dude’s body. That would be the life!” - Nelson

4) “I’m just going to throw the arrow in the air and let the magic do the rest.” - Paco

3) “You know what? Fuck you, you’re my stomach!” - Paco

2) “I say we throw decapitated heads at them from our safe place.” - Nelson

1) “The only thing more dangerous than us is Chuck Norris.” - Paco

If you think Paco and Nelson are the only funny ones in the group, you would be wrong. They are just the loudest and most absurd. But that does lead to some good quotes. Come back next time for the thrilling conclusion to our campaign!

Last time we played, our long-suffering party was on their way to give a sword to a dead guy in order to have the evil inside it destroyed.

Well, we found his coffin at the end of a difficult dungeon. Unfortunately, it wasn’t alone. It was being guarded a devil-creature and an angel-creature.

They were willing to talk with us about the sword, but one particularly headstrong member of our party wasn’t interested in talking sense. He caused a battle, and the party quickly killed the devil-thing, destroyed some sort of sacred balance that was key to keeping the evil under wraps.

That same party member drew the evil-possessed sword during the battle and quickly became enthralled in its clutches. The rest of the party had to kill him, but eventually decided to resurrect the poor guy. And, surprising everyone, he came back and decided to change his ways to be good and honorable. That lasted the whole session!

The rest of the night saw the party liberating a city from 300 evil guardsmen who were being controlled by some evil clerics, wizards and their pet beholder. We ended up winning the battle, and will take stock of our victory next time we play.

Unfortunately for the RPG fans, but good for the movie fans, I will be at the Philadelphia Film Festival for the next two weeks (April 3-15). So get ready for some live coverage of all 50 movies I plan on seeing. If anyone has any advance info about the films in the line-up, please let me know! I’ll post a schedule of what I am seeing as soon as I finalize it.

In the meantime, here are some quotes from last RPG session to hold you over until the next installment in this series.

5) “All your base are belong to us!” - Nelson
You may consider Nelson an uber-nerd for combining RPG and 80’s video games. You would be right.

4) “I’m not a vending machine, dammit!” - Paco
Said after several requests for home made magical weapons and spell-storing rings.

3) “Don’t worry, you’ll be okay. We’ll tie a rope to you!” - Nelson
Famous last words…

2) “I’m a pencil dragon!” - Ozzy
Ozzy, the GM, is known for his love of dragons… and pencils.

1) “Attention citizens! We have killed two-thirds of their forces and– OH CRAP A BEHOLDER!!!” - Paco
This was a great way to earn the confidence of the people.

Until next time!

I should probably standardize the titles of these RPG quote entries that I do. Every time I name it something different. Oh well.

Last time we were on our way to destroy an unspeakable evil. At the end of the dungeon we found it. It was some sort of demon/devil thing that was hiding in a tomb. It entranced our party, making most of us believe it was a great sun-elf king, risen from the dead, but the smart ones of the party managed to see through it’s illusion.

After a fierce battle, the Paladin NPC sacrificed himself to destroy it for good. At least, we think it’s destroyed. It might be held in his magical sword. The rest of the session was spent finding and traveling through another tomb where we could leave the sword, hopefully without any repercussions.

We stopped before we could find our way to the end of it. We’ll see what happens next time. Can we pawn off this devil-slaying sword on a dead guy in order to carry out the Paladin’s dying words? We all hope we can.

It was a good session, even though we were short, and I got some good quotes. Enjoy!

5) “He is already suffering… he plays with you guys!” - Nelson
He could be talking about any member of our gaming group and still be accurate.

4) “I like it when people laugh at other people beside me.” - Adam
Unfortunately that rarely happens…

3) “It’s too bad we don’t have a note from beyond the grave to guide us!” - Adam
This was said because a player did happen to have a note from the dead Paladin, but for some reason he wasn’t telling us about it.

2) “No… because that would save everybody!” - Ozzy
Said after someone asked Ozzy the GM if they could use a particular item to help the party.

1) “I start panting when I realize his helmet is loaded.” - Nelson
Nelson always loved guys with large heads.

That’s all for today. Please come back often for more RPG shenanigans.

When we left off last time we were stuck in an endless dungeon. Well, we got our act together at the start of this session (Thanks to Ozzy the GM) and quickly found a way out.

Of course, it involved climbing/levitating/teleporting/fighting our way up to a very high hole in the ceiling. Once we got up, we found more of the dungeon waiting for us, as well as some ogres. And then some were-rats.

We did finally make it out to the surface (many days travel from where we entered the dungeon), but then we had to go right back down to slay an “unspeakable evil”. Damn Paladin NPC!

Many battles ensued, but the session ended before we got to the source of the evil. Along the way I gathered many memorable quotes. It was hard to narrow those down to just five. But here they are:

5) “As long as the guy in charge doesn’t have seven fingers, I’m good.” - Christine
But eight is fine!

4) “How could you have a sword that doesn’t teleport” - Paco
Paco believes all beings that can’t teleport are beneath him.

3) “I was trying to find a more awesomer way out of it than actually defending myself.” - Nelson
The problem is that Nelson isn’t good at defending himself. He’s not good at being awesome either.

2) “When we are done here, who is up for stealing a princess and making it look like another country did it?” - Paco
The sad thing is that this would probably be something our party would do.

1) “All of a sudden they are going to be intelligent weapons, and they are going to be pissed off because I didn’t give them crackers.” - Nelson
Someone in his previous party had a bad experience with crackers, a parrot familiar, and a GM named Frank. I pity all those that were involved.

I know you are dying to find out what this unspeakable evil might be. I am as well. That will have to wait until next time!