Exhumed Films 24-Hour Horror-thon 2009

The Exhumed Films crew put on a great show at the International House in Philadelphia. Fourteen films including trailers, shorts, Vegan food, prizes, a horror art show, jack-o-lanterns and free cereal. It was pulled off almost flawlessly. All should be commended, from our hosts at the I-house to the guys at Exhumed to the incredible projectionist who made this plethora of strange films stocks appear in front of the audience for 24 hours straight.

As usual, the films were not revealed until they unspooled on the screen. The only hints we had were on the above film program. It turned out to be a good line-up with some classics, some oddities, and some incredibly strange fare.

I attended this with Chris at Fictum Scientia, so check out what he thought of the show over at his site.

Here are the films. Click on the clue for the titles:

#1 – Beloved (by some) horror/monster movie directed by a genre favorite

This film has the style right but gets to the climax of each story a bit too slowly. Still, it was a great way to start the show because it gave the audience a taste of few different things to start the evening.

#2 – Giant monster movie

These films blend together in my mind, but I find them all entertaining. This one was cool because Godzilla was a good guy and had a pet turtle.

#3 – Science/Fiction horror modern classic

A solid, solid film. The story is still relevant today and Jeff Goldblum does a great job in a crazy performance. The creature effects complete are second to none, and Howard Shore once again delivers an excellent score which really elevates the impact of the film. The birth scene is fantastic and is quintessential Cronenburg.

#4 – “Old School” gothic horror starring two genre favorites

It starts off like a slow Hammer Horror, but the story grew on me. It’s definitely atmospheric and the voodoo slant kept it fresh. All the grave-robbing, murder, mystery, and prostitution make for a fun time even if it is dry.

#5 – Slasher sequel that many people enjoy despite (or perhaps because of) its utter stupidity

For this one they just put a bunch of murderable characters together and have them killed off one-by-one without a real explanation. It doesn’t matter, because the murders are interesting and a young bald Corey Feldman goes slow-mo machete crazy at the end.

#6 – Definitely one of the weirdest, most gratuitous, bat-shit craziest films of the evening, if not of all time

I never heard of this film before, but the above description is correct. The summary doesn’t do it any justice, but here it goes: Unique vacationing characters go on a cruise and run afoul of a group of kidnappers who trade women for jade to monks who eat them in order to raise dead martial artists to do their bidding. Hilarious insanity ensues.

#7 – Stunning giallo from a mater of the genre. No, not that one…

I haven’t seen many of his films, but I tell you that this one was exceptionally well-shot. The story was a bit pedestrian, but it had a great mood and at least kept me guessing for a bit.

#8 – Sleazy, absurdist zombie movie guilty pleasure

Zombies arrive, and people run from them. It’s a straight forward premise without surprises, but it is non-stop zombie action. The ending is incredibly absurd and I have no idea how he got away with that. I think they just couldn’t figure out a good way to end it so they did it this way instead.

#9 – Verily! A sword-and-sandal epic unmatched in the annals of time!

Ham and cheese with extra Ham and extra Cheese! This follows the titular character and he goes on a mystical trip to Hades to find an artifact to cure his ailing wife. It’s a classic sword and sandal romp through magical lands, funny special effects, oily men and busty women.

#10 – Rarely screened thriller that is dark, brutal, and generally unpleasant. Starring a genre favorite

It is dark and unpleasant, but Udo gives an interesting performance as usual. There is far too much masturbation and lesbian-sex to make any sense, but when it doesn’t resort to soft-porn it is a predictable story with a good atmosphere.

#11 – Okay, remember how insane #6 was? And how you thought nothing could make less sense, or be more entertaining? Well, this movie may just have #6 beat on all counts. Seriously, poke that guy sitting next to you and wake his ass up. He’s not going to want to miss this

This is a rip-off of Terminator from Indonesia. Except instead of an unstoppable robot she is an unstoppable goddess of the sea bent on revenge. A few generations ago, after tearing off hundreds of men’s penis’s with her vagina, she was tricked into becoming a man’s wife when he gave her her first orgasm. So she cursed his great-granddaughter and hundreds of years later she inhabits the body of an American anthropologist in order track her down and kill her. Yes, it is as crazy as it sounds.

#12 – Nifty, creepy, and fun little horror movie starring no one you’ve ever heard of

Nuclear mutations in kids cause them to be able to kill their parents with a hug! The only thing that can stop them as the aging small-town sheriff. Luckily, he gets help from an excitable parent and together the figure out how to stop the children. Hint: It involves a sword, and that is what makes the movie fun. The blantant disregard for child safety. Otherwise, it is just a run of the mill zombie-like horror film.

#13 – Enjoyable “animals attack” film starring just about every genre favorite ever

Joe Dante directed this and John Sayles wrote it. With talent like that, you would expect them to produce the greatest killer-school-of-fish film there ever was. And by golly, I think they’ve done it!

#14 – Wow, what a surprise… the Horror-Thon ends with yet another zombie flick. Oh Exhumed Films, you are so predictable…

This is a horror classic for a reason. It’s gory, funny, and full of crazy scenes. It’s also based on stories by H.P. Lovecraft, solidly directed and wonderfully acted by Jeffrey Combs. It’s a shame he got type-casted in that role because he definitely has talent. This ended the festival on a high note.

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