Fernando Meirelles, Canada, 2008, 121 min.

Across a nameless country an epidemic is causing people to lose their sight. The government takes drastic measures and quarantines the afflicted. A doctor (Mark Ruffalo) becomes blind and his loyal wife (Julianne Moore) pretends she’s blind in order to accompany him into quarantine. This sets the framework for a blunt allegory about morality in Fernando Meirelles’ ugly and disappointing Blindness.

And by ugly, I mean ugly. The vivid portraits of Brazil and Africa in Meirelles’ previous work have been replaced by a cold, grimy, austere city inhabited by uninteresting, unlikable characters. Thank god the epidemic happens quickly. Before you know it the central characters have willingly been locked up in a prison-like building, left to fend for themselves.

The doctor’s wife keeps her sight a secret, but soon becomes the groups “den-mother” because she is the only one who can help. Power struggles ensue. Food becomes scarce. Things become chaotic. Filth, darkness, violence, rape, murder. It’s all there.

The characters grow more and more desperate and mindless. It’s a shame that the cast (Danny Glover, Gael Garcia Bernal, etc.) doesn’t have more to do. The script sucked the life out of everyone.

It’s all so unpleasant, and the big allegory doesn’t come close to saving the experience. The film, as well as Jose Saramago’s book, is supposed to be about losing your “moral sight.” Losing the ability to see people with compassion. So basically what we are told is that if you lose what makes you good, you become evil. Bravo.

Jody Hill, USA, 2009, 86 minutes

Following in the footsteps of Kevin James’ Paul Blart: Mall Cop (and what a mighty fierce piece of shit that looked like), Observe and Report features Seth Rogen as Ronnie Barnhardt, a slightly mentally handicapped mall cop with delusions of grandeur in this comedy/drama/underdog story/ummmmm…..

Ok, seriously, I have no idea what the hell this movie was.  Watching Observe and Report was like watching a woman go through menopause.  There were more hot flashes and mood swings than I could possibly count.  It starts out as a comedy (I guess), became a man-against-the-world film, switched over to a drug movie and then ended on a triumphant man-against-the-world note.  It seemed like no one knew where they wanted the movie to go at all.

I have to wonder if the making of Paul Blart didn’t have some effect on the style and direction of Observe and Report.  Although I never saw Paul Blart (and good luck getting me to go to it.  The trailer was a failure of epic proportions, conjuring images of stupid humor only seen once before in the Love Guru trailer), it shares striking similarities with Observe and Report.  I mean, it’s not every day that a movie is released championing the protectors of retail consumers rights and both films were shot at about the same time (Paul Blart in March 2008 with Observe and Report following in April and May of 2008).  It’s probably just coincidental and wishful thinking on my part (I’m a huge fan of the previous Seth Rogen efforts), but I have to wonder if there wasn’t some worry of producing too similar a movie that lead to some last second script/story changes to Observe and Report in an effort to make a less similar film, at least stylistically.  I find it highly unlikely that the producing team could have been unaware of Paul Blart beforehand or would even be the least bit intimidated by a Kevin James effort, but it’s certainly a possible explanation for why the film was such a rudderless ship.

Although the movie suffers from multiple personality disorder debilitating enough to make Sybil jealous, I don’t think it was horrible.  I have a gut feeling I would like it much more after a second viewing, although I’m relatively sure it will never be anything spectacular.  It’s hard to give an opinion of a film when the advertising is so misleading.  This was like going to see Halloween and expecting to see a feel-good children’s movie.  I’m getting pretty tired of being manipulated so effectively by movie trailers.  This is the second time in a row I’ve gone to a movie expecting it to be one thing and having it be another.  Adventureland was a sweet surprise, Observe and Report was mystifying.  When I rule the world, the people responsible for creating misleading movie trailers will rue the day they produced these atrocities.

Burr Steers, USA, 2009, 102 min

17 Again is the story of Mike O’Donnell, a one-time high school basketball superstar who finds himself with two kids he barely knows and on the brink of divorce with his high school sweetheart.  He longs to relive his golden days and in supremely predictable cinematic fashion has his wish granted.  The rejuvinated and newly 17 again Mike O’Donnell makes the most of this second chance by enrolling in his children’s high school, where he gets to know his children, falls back in love with his wife, realizes how great his life was before and blah blah blah crap crap crap.

Listen, you’ve already seen this movie about a thousand times.  Sure, maybe Mr. Destiny didn’t have a very awkward incestuous love triangle.  Maybe  the girls in it weren’t as hot as the women in The Family Man.  Ultimately, however, it was the same movie.  It was fun in parts, but pointless and uninspired when you get right down to it.  There really isn’t much to say about it.  If you’ve seen the movies mentioned above or any of the countless other movies with a similar theme, you’ve seen this movie too.

<minor rant>

One last note: if you’re thinking of making a film, don’t have Lisa Beach and Sarah Katzman take care of the casting for you.  Seriously, could they have come up with a less likely pairing than Zac Efron and Matthew Perry for a youth-to-adult progression?  I mean, I’m sure Zac Efron is about to be the newest big star or something and Matthew Perry was, well, he was probably just sitting on his couch in his underwear at the time, but the look absolutely NOTHING like each other.  What’s the common thread, brown hair?  If I looked like Zac Efron as a teen and ended up looking like Matthew Perry, I’d be pretty pissed about how my life turned out too.  Thank God I’m much prettier than either of them and will be able to play both versions of myself when my biopic is finally unleashed upon the world.

</minor rant>

Joe Roth, USA, 1987, 98 min.

CinemaSodomy is our recurring feature where we force each other to watch films that we never would have otherwise.

Sometimes you want a friend to watch a movie for the rush of sharing a meaningful theatrical experience with them.  Other times you want that friend to watch a movie purely for the enjoyment of watching them writhe in agony.  This is clearly an example of the latter.  In olden times, I used to stab TC with sporks stolen from our high school cafeteria.  As time has passed and my access to multifunctional plasticware has diminished I have lost my most cherished outlet for expressing my domination over TC…until now!  Thanks CinemaSodomy!

I learned of TC’s disdain for Revenge of the Nerds upon purchasing the box set during a recent pilgrimage to the only MovieStop in the wonderful state of New Jersey. I was appalled.  Revenge of the Nerds is simply awesome, even if unrealistic(the nerds win?  Yeah, right.  And one of these days TC might beat me…).  It’s the kind of film I would imagine could only instill a (false) sense of hope in TC and other little nerdlings. It is in this spirit (as well as the spirit of the spork attacks of days long gone) that I made TC watch Nerds in Paradise: hope.

- LCD

The first Revenge of the Nerds was an obnoxious but ultimately harmless frat boy comedy. Riding the coattails of Animal House, the producers did the best they could do with the premise they had. After the success of Revenge of the Nerds, the sequel Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise takes the mold of the first film and repeats it once again.

Twice removed from the Landis success, this film is a copy of a copy. And just like the quality of a VHS tapes, the films get worse and worse. Based on this film, I can only imagine how horrendous 3 and 4 are.

The second film picks up where the first one left off. The nerds of Lamba Lamba Lamba house have won the battle, but the war is still on. There is an annual meeting of the brotherhood of fraternaties in Florida (they couldn’t afford to film in a real paradise), and the jocks are going to use this opportunity to get revenge of their own.

What follows is the expected shenanigans. The jocks trick the nerds, and then the nerds overcome. Repeat ad nauseum. Punctuate with a song and dance number. The problem here, besides the predictability and the lack of any humour whatsoever, is the inattention to the characters.

The nerds are caricature’s of themeselves from the first film. They exist solely as a counterpoint to the jocks, who exist solely as a counterpoint to the nerds. No characters have any redeeming qualities, and no characters go through any arcs or changes. The exception, at the end, is pure stupidity that the writers threw in for a twist.

The new characters are useless. The hotel manager is the same as the other jocks, the love interest is bland and one-dimensional, and the Mr. Miyagi guy is dirty for dirty’s sake. The additions seemed to be only added to fill in the blanks for people from the first film who (justifiably) did not want to appear in the second.

Revenge of the Nerds is dummed down studio cinema. Harmless if taken in small doses. Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise, is dumbed down studio cinema, dumbed down. Harmful to humanity. It was made purely to get a quick buck, the profits of which will roll over into a sequel until the films finally become unprofitable. I’m glad my money was not involved in this recursive crap engine. On the other hand, LCD’s money was spent purchasing the box-set of all 4. So when Revenge of the Nerds 5: Nerds vs. Aliens comes out, you know who to blame.

So 11 days and 50 films later, here I sit trying to make sense of it all. There are a few great films, a few horrible films, and many in between. I’ll keep things short and give you a list of the ones worth seeking out. In no particular order:

• Not Quite Hollywood
• Goodbye Solo
• The Desert Within
• The Hurt Locker
• Burning Plain
• Rudo y Cursi
• Jury Duty
• The Joy of Singing
• Landscape #2
• Don’t Look Down
• Revanche
  

Only 11! Well, there were some other good films, but these stood above the rest.

As for me, I need a little break. I think I’ll take a week off before I post again. I have gorged myself and expurgated some rather slapdash reviews. These film festival binges are good ways to find diamonds in the rough, but I really need to get back to “Quality over Quantity” mode. Both in watching and reviewing films.  So next time you hear from me it will be with, hopefully, a more thoughtfully written and insightful entry.

In the meantime, I’m sure LCD will conjure up some remarkable prose for your reading enjoyment. Don’t be afraid. He’ll be gentle.