In case you were wondering what we have been doing all week, here is a list of the films we have watched since last time.

The Cinesthete:

1. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen - What did  I expect?
2. Trekkies - Well made, good natured, and geeky.
3. Conversations with Kevin Smith - His movies may be so-so, but he is a very smart and entertaining individual.
   
4. The Man Who Wasn’t There - Classic Coen. Not as good as their early stuff, but better than most of their films.
   
5. Intolerable Cruelty - I have now seen every Coen brothers film. This one is funny, but shallow and forgettable.

The Lowest Common Denominator:

1. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen - managed to make rock ‘em, sock ‘em robots and Megan Fox’s breasts boring and confusing.  Utterly disappointing.
2. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen - the second viewing made it clear that only Michael Bay can make a movie that fails everything, including failing.
   

Michael Bay, USA, 2009, 150 min.

The internet is full of reports of how bad Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is. It is a bad film. The plot is full of holes and is only there to get from set piece to set piece. The characters are one-dimensional. The action is loud, big and confusing.

Everyone seems to blame Michael Bay. He is the director. He makes movies that everyone seems to hate. Transformers, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor. These are films that got lambasted by critics and movie-goers.

The thing is, his films make lots and lots of money. Transformers 2 is going to make lots and lots of money. So Michael Bay is not at fault. It’s all of our faults. Everyone who went to see it and is going to see it know exactly what the movie is going to be like. Yet the crowds still line up.  LCD and I knew we wouldn’t like it, but will still went opening night. If all of us didn’t go to the film, then it wouldn’t make any money and we wouldn’t have to have this same situation happen for Transformers 3.

Bottom line: I respect Michael Bay. I don’t like his films, but they are technical achievements and have a unique signature that only he can deliver.  He does what he does, and everyone goes to see it. He enjoys making his movies and they make lots of money. The studio is happy so the cycle continues. Is that his fault?

Wachowski Brothers, USA, 2008, 135 min.

CinemaSodomy is our recurring feature where we force each other to watch films that we never would have otherwise.

This film has to be seen to be believed. It’s pure cinematic spectacle with a big heart. Too long and complicated for kids, and too colorful and fast for adults, this film got a bad rap. But look past the reviews and you’ll find a treasure trove of sights and sounds.

The Wachowski’s really outdid themselves. They created a film packed to the brim with detail. This is no slap-dash piece. You can really feel the care and attention put into every frame. The effects weave with the colorful story and characters to create a unique world. A world where the incredible images seen on the screen are entirely plausible. A world where heroes can come from humble beginnings to save the day. A world where the magic of cinema is fully realized like never before. I can confidently say that Speed Racer is the Wachowsky Brother’s best film to date.

-TC

TC had been raving about Speed Racer since the first time he saw it.  He kept telling me how awesome it was and how much he thought I would love it.  I had actually wanted to see it based on the Wachowski brothers’ work on The Matrix series, so I gleefully accepted it as my CinemaSodomy before he could think of some other subtitled piece of shit movie to torture me with. (Side note: I’m pretty sure TC doesn’t understand the underlying principles behind our CinemaSodomy feature.  It’s ok, we all know he’s a little slow).

After watching Speed Racer, one thing is certain: TC was terribly, terribly wrong on all counts.  Speed Racer is the story of a mildly retarded, yet oddly determined boy and his triumph over corporate megapowers through the sport of autoracing.  This movie was a carnival ride of suck.  Watching Speed Racer feels like accidentally taking psychedelics right before going into the circus.  It begins as a fun family outing.  It’s colorful, there’s some nifty music, a few hot chicks and some clowns!  Then somewhere in the middle of the show, you go into sensory overload.  The colors are too bright.  There’s a little too much motion and things stop making sense.  You’re completely discombobulated, unsure of where you are and just generally confused.  And, wait, why the hell are those bastard clowns trying to figure out how many of them can fit inside of YOU?

Yeah, that’s right.  The clowns are the Wachowski brothers and they’re blasting you in the butt without even asking permission.  Once you get past how cool all of the Mario Kart on crack cinematography looks, there really isn’t anything to this movie.  The talent is underutilized (seriously,you don’t make a movie with Christina Ricci and Susan Sarandon and give them a combined screentime of approximately 0:37 all-the-while dressing them in clothes that fail to accentuate their lady bits) and the story is downright laughable (the stock market is controlled by autoracing? really?).

Speed Racer looks pretty and that’s about it. It’s like that stunning girl you see at a party who, when you finally get up the nerve to go and talk to her, has the voice of Fran Drescher and all the social graces of a heavily medicated Anna Nicole Smith.  All looks and no substance.  I can only hope that next time TC picks something with subtitles so that when I inevitably find myself wishing for death, I can just drift off into fantasyland instead of watching a movie I can comprehend.

Sam Raimi, USA, 2009, 99 min.

Sam Raimi said that after Spider Man 3, he wanted to do an old school horror movie like the Evil Dead films that made him famous. He kept his promise with Drag Me to Hell.

With the current glut of horror films from all over the world, it is hard to be fresh and new. But Raimi is aware of that. He gives us a standard serious supernatural horror story, but puts an undercurrent of comedy through the whole thing. This film is funny. Very funny. And because the humor isn’t obvious, it is still scary as well.

Alison Lohman plays a young woman who runs afoul of an old gypsy and gets cursed with a demon. This particular demon torments the accursed for three days until it drags them to hell.

The bulk of the film is her getting tormented and coming up with increasingly desperate ways to get rid of the demon. Her strain is complimented by the calm practicality of her professor boyfriend. She does a good job portraying her rollercoaster of a mental state, and he (Justin Long) does a good job being sympathetic and caring. You want them to be happy, but the script keeps throwing up more and more potholes in their way.

Raimi knew what type of movie he was making. The story is serious, but the film goes over-the-top at just the right moments. It is if Raimi said “I’ve seen this scene a million times in other films, how can I make this one interesting?” That’s what makes the film good. It is filled with standard horror tropes that are presented assuredly and given the right twists that horror fans will really appreciate.